I’m getting busty but in the wrong places. Too many Oreo cookies and television. I’m obsessed with Rachel Maddow and Sponge Bob reruns. I’ve got the runs too. It’s been a tough week considering I still haven’t caught H1N1 yet. I’m gonna get vaccinated as soon as I can but I don’t have $24 yet. Mom says she’ll sell herself if she has to to get me vaccinated. “I can work over that guy with the shiny car down the street.” The other moms in the neighborhood hate mom because mom will do anything to survive even if that means preying on one of their husbands, or significant others. One time she blackmailed the neighbor’s husband because she caught him having sex with a man at the pub where she works. She swore she wouldn’t tell his wife if he bought me a school uniform and mom a six pack and cigarettes, the good kind. Mom has no shame. I’m not ashamed of her except when she wears those black fishnet stockings to the Unitarian Church on Sundays. “Attention is good,” she says. “I took marketing in collage you know.” I didn’t know. I didn’t even expect mom to be the kind of woman who went to college but she’s an extraordinary woman even though she’s almost toothless beneath the dentures. She can fillet a yellow fin snapper. She can slay a dragon with her own bare hands. She can, I swear. If you don’t believe me, ask my father.