Warning: This Potty Mouth Interview is rated xTx. Keep all children, kids, and baby ducks away. No animals or saints were harmed during and/or immediately after this interview, but I can’t guarantee none will be harmed in the near future, or live happily ever after. For obvious reasons xTx is the Potty Mouth of Potty Mouths. She’s a literary freak of nature that will cure your desire for heartwarming romance novels, or not. She’s the author of Nobody Trusts a Black Magician and the blog Nothing To Say. Watch out Jersey Shore because xTx is not afraid to kick ass ya’ little shits. (Thank God mom’s out of the house tonight.) xTx will spill blood on your white carpets and pee in your bath if necessary, at least in the literary sense. xTx will literally get to your heart (ta da!) through your anus, which, I know, is gross, but people need to relax. Loosen up. You’re all going to hell with me anyway. Plus, she’s got a point. Enjoy.
AD: Which is the better gender to write—male or female—and, why?
xTx: I think it’s fun to write both. I mean, when else can you walk around in a different pair of underwear and put down the thoughts/feelings/impulses/actions of a sex other than your own? If I write as a guy, I can get into a ‘guy space’ in my brain and make myself feel from that perspective. It’s fun. When I write as a girl, I just pretend I’m Marcia Brady and trust her instincts. Actually, I don’t have any opinion on this.
AD: I know you’re nervous, don’t be afraid. What’s the deal with motherfuckers & all the motherfucking licking (and sucking) in your stories?
xTx: I think you are mean to call all the motherfuckers in my stories motherfuckers. They are very nice people and sometimes they lick and suck. What’s it to you? I bet you go to church. Fuck your asshole with my fist.
AD: Are you afraid that porn and corn are too close?
xTx: I wasn’t until now. Great. Going to the grocery store or movie theaters will now be a huge challenge for me. Thanks, because my life didn’t have enough difficulties already. First, the gang rape thing and now this. I’m gonna go buy a kitten.
Almost Dorothy: Your story Argentina, have you been to see him?
xTx: I have never been to Argentina before but I sexted with him once. All I remember (because I deleted them afterwards) was that he liked stuff about peeing, and I remember it was the first time I ever used my thumbs to type the phrase, “My hot piss in your cunt mouth” and my thumbs felt ashamed. (But continued to type anyways. Whore thumbs.)
AD: Your blog profile says you’re a fluffer, so I’ll assume you’re a man—what’s it like?
xTx: It’s great being a man and sucking dick to make the dicks ready to fuck vaginas on camera. I’m not gay. It’s just a job that pays pretty well. I plan to move out of my parent’s basement by this June.
AD: Do you believe in magical numbers?
xTx:: Only one: 33. Next question please.
AD: What’s the deal with Custer’s erection for “Revenge”?
xTx: Well, as we all know, Revenge was a naked, large-breasted, Native American woman that General Custer braved many arrow attacks in order to have intercourse with her. He had to have an erection for her, or when he got to the other side of the screen after braving all of the arrow attacks, he would only be able to finger her maybe. This all took place in 1982.
AD: What book would you eat and why?
xTx: It would probably be this Robert Mapplethorpe coffee table book I have that is stashed away somewhere I can’t remember or find anymore on account of my massive house I live in because I am extremely rich. I would eat it because of all of the artistic depictions of penises, assholes, breasts and don’t forget the flowers. I want to feel them all in my belly and absorb their powers and never shit them out.
AD: Dirtiest paragraph you can write with these words: pasta, mother Theresa, sam’s club, homeland, and panda.
xTx: Cock Mother Teresa Cunt pasta squirting cum whore Sam’s Club rimming ass fisting shit on my chest homeland panda ball licker titbag motherfucker dickhole facerapers went to the circus.
AD: If you could be a chemical compound, which one would you be?
xTx: If I knew what a chemical compound was, I’d be your mom so I could punch you in the face.
xTx was born a child of God and knew from an early age that she wanted to become a pastor. She was born in Blankenship, MO and when she was 14 she joined Blankenship Lutheran Church where she was involved in leading the child and youth programs. Her confirmation Pastor was Zeb Dundee, current Assistant to the Bishop. He has been a lifelong mentor to xTx and was instrumental in her journey to become an ordained pastor. Read more about her journey of faith at www.notimetosayit.com