Mom brought home a new love interest last night. Her name is Amanda Bernstein, but the B is silent, so her last name sounds like Ernstein, which makes her sound like she’s the offspring of Bert & Ernie. She’s a handsome woman. Mom says don’t laugh, but I couldn’t help it. She looks like Bert, but she’s a woman, I think. Mom said she’s going to spend the weekend with us, and she did. We ate ham. I just shrugged my shoulders because mom’s experiments usually only last for 48 hours. Ms. Bernstein, whose last name begins with a silent B, is a kindergarden teacher and an anthropologist. I also think she likes mom more than mom likes her. I wonder how this will turn out. I wonder if it will last. I hid Amanda’s glasses beneath the sofa so that she’d stay a little longer. I rifled through her purse last night. Her name really is Amanda. She’s 5’6″. Chews Trident gum. And has a photograph in her wallet of a girl who looks just like me.