Mom and I were getting ready for church when Amanda Bernstein woke up. Mom had her miniskirt on and black thick navy blue pumps. I let mom wear that outfit because it makes her happy, which is better than sad when you’re dealing with mom. Mom thinks she looks all designer in this outfit. And maybe she’ll make some cash today, I thought. Amanda Bernstein was pissed coz mom didn’t invite her to church. Mom didn’t realize how much Amanda B. loves doughnuts and free coffee, so mom and Amanda Bernstein fought all the way to church and in the church pew. I had to pee but mom wouldn’t let me pee. The priest looked at us, pissed off said his lady bug eyes. The choir boys sang halleluhjah but that didn’t stop all hell from breaking out in aisle five. Amanda B. stomped out of church. Fine you friggin’ bitch, mom shouted. The whole congregation said amen just after mom said the word bitch. Of course only the children laughed because children are the only creatures with a sense of humor these days besides lesbians and wanna-be-trannies like me. Mom gave the congregation her customary curtsey and, of course, the middle finger. Mom stormed out. Tackled Amanda B. in the parking lot like a hockey player tackles his teammate after he (or she) scores. Puck, they’re in love, mom and Amanda B., crazy bees. Mom said she’ll never go back to that church until she’s single again. Amanda B. looked at mom and doesn’t say a goddamn thing. Amanda B. wiped the gravel bits off her face. Sweat too. She yelled at us to get in the fucking car as if she were mom. Mom turned the stereo on and the three of us went nuts. Totally berserk. Nothing. No one. Not even God can come between us and Judas (Priest).