Posted in Random Shit

The Chirping I


Random Shit: I hate birds this week. I haven’t been able to post a real post because I haven’t been able to sleep so I haven’t been able to write because of the chirping of the birds. Yes, the chirping of the goddamn birds. There’s a bird nest  with baby birds or chicks or soon-to-be chicken nuggets in the eave above my bedroom window. Mom won’t do anything about them. She won’t even call the cops. I called the FBI but they said they’re not into birds. They’re protecting us from terrorists. These fucking birds are terrorizing me, I told the receptionist. She hung up. I called her back and she said, get this, she said if I call back again, she’ll call the real cops. Not Miami Vice but the fucking Miami Dade Police Department. I told her go ahead cause those assholes don’t do anything anyway. Besides, a cop lives next door. He buys pot from mom. Not pots for plants but for smoking. Don’t tell the cops. That’s what I told the FBI receptionist when I called back. She hung up, again. Anyway, if I catch them,  those chirping birds, I swear I will turn those little chicks into chicken nuggets. I’ll grind them up and eat ’em up for dinner. On second thought. I hope those little birds never go silent. I hope they emerge from the eave and sail West toward the Gulf of Mexico and shit all over the oil rigs that litter the deep sea.

Author:

I'm not real, but I'm a writer.

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