1. I think I just got laid. I didn’t tell mom but she knew because she asked why my neck had been attacked by a vampire goat. What a sloppy mess, she said. Get a grip next time. My date with the Puerto Rican-Peruvian-Sephardic boy went well. I love his red Camaro. I love the way he drives with his eyes closed and the windows open. We listened to a remix. Messed with the stick shift. Kissed in reverse.
2. When I got home, mom clicked the lamp light on and off like Glen Close did in Fatal Attraction. As a result, I hid my rabbit and puppy. As a result, mom started back at church the next day.
3. Mom prayed for the coming of the lambs. I don’t know why the lambs are coming, but mom said it has something to do with what happened last night. On my date. In the front or back seat. On the bank of Biscayne Bay. In front of fish. In the parking lot of Bank of America. On the ATM. Thank god you can’t get pregnant, mom said. I don’t think two boys can conceive yet. I was really pissed because I’ve always wanted a baby goat.
4. A stranger came running up to me. She or he couldn’t speak. Said something didn’t go so well on Biscayne Bay. Said I should run toward the firelight. Said I would regret the scene. I thought he or she was my BFF Squinny back from the dead trying to tell me something intelligent. Trying to tell me to stop playing with the girls or boys. Trying to make me go, run, forget the tongue and lips and what they do to the flesh.
5. If no one ever marries me, the stranger said, I’ll marry the sky.
6. I married the sky when he touched me up here and down there. I was ok with that so long as he didn’t stop. He didn’t stop.
7. Mom caused a stir at church. She wore the black mini skirt without underwear just like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct except mom looks nothing like Sharon Stone down there or up here. She wore a blond wig. She wore a white rose corsage and took a Flintstone vitamin before she left. The boys in the choir stopped singing. The priest stopped preaching. Jesus just stared at mom speechless. The janitor wanted to make out with her but she wasn’t into making out with boys on pews. She touched herself here and there as a result of the rapture. She was enraptured. Enraged. On her knees praying to God for the return of Amanda B. and my virginity. I prayed for mom’s lucky stars. Peace on Earth.
8. I met a new boy at church. The boy wore a white dress with puffy yellow sleeves. Mom wore flats. I wore my Almost Dorothy dress and red pumps. I brought the boy home even though he wore a ridiculous hat. Mom said that he isn’t a boy and would never be one. Not even in that getup. The boy told mom that mom isn’t a girl no matter how much make up she put on or how how short her skirt got. Mom gave the boy the finger. The boy in the girl’s dress gave mom the finger. I told them both to calm down and that I don’t care what’s between their legs, so long as they make me smile. Both of them looked at me and lifted their skirts. I saw Sharon Stone’s face and a plate of sushi. It made me laugh, the vacuum of space between their ears. I laughed at what makes a real boy and a real girl real real. When faced with a choice, I chose flight.