Posted in Almost Dorothy, Characters, Family, Politics, The Mother, Themes

Dear Cyndi Lauper

“We’ve had enough of the dumbing down of America,” Cyndi said as the audience yelped for the 80s instead of the Memphis Blues. Mom clapped like a bat flapping for her life. That woman’s got your back, Cyndi. My mom says you got a sick sense of humor. She also thinks your voice is amazing, raw yet formed like a songbird made of glass and big balls. I have no idea what she means by that but she cried when she heard you sing “Time After Time” even after the audience ruined the show by screaming “Sing ‘True Colors'” every time there was a break between your Memphis Blues songs. She clapped when you gave them assholes the finger. She  clapped when you snatched the iPhone from a fan and asked him not to film the show cause then everyone will stop coming if they can see it on youtube.  She clapped when you stepped down into the audience to show us all that you’re equal to all of us even though we have an obsession with celebrity. Cyndi, or Sister Cyn, you’re a star.

FYI: Mom wants to apologize for the asshole fans in the audience who are stuck in the 80s and have lost the ability to ride the magic carpet, the arc of your performance. In fact, she told one of them screamers to shut the fuck up and the screamer screamed at mom to shut the fuck up and mom screamed back at the screamer “you look like a fucking gorilla” and then the screamer didn’t know what else to say so the screamer shut the fuck up. Finally.

In the end, mom got goosebumps cause your voice is stronger now than it was then. The blues suits you like a suit suits a man or woman who wears a suit. Your voice is so strong that it almost made mom remember where she comes from. Art school, perhaps. Good luck with the rest of your tour and your new album, Memphis Blues. And, please come back to Miami, despite the fans. Mom said she’ll be-bop the fuck out of them next time they get rude and stupid and stuck in an 80s rabbit hole. Viva Cyndi. Listen to Cyn’s interview on GMA here.

P.S. Mom says she loves you cause she can see your true colors hanging out. Translation: she loves your red hair.


I'm not real, but I'm a writer.

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