Breaking News: Ma is totally freaked out because the Lord of the Rings is true. She says Gollum, from the Lord of the Rings, also known as Rick Scott, won the Republican primary for Governor. She’s very afraid because he spent millions of dollars and lots of time over the last year trying to defeat healthcare reform, which ma doesn’t have but wants but can’t afford because she works 3 part-time jobs. Ma’s afraid Gollum will eat her if he wins the FL governors race. She’s afraid he’ll toss her into the ring of fire. Steal her wedding ring and wigs. She’s afraid he’ll wear her wig and ring and prance around like a she-devil or Gollum cum Dragzilla. She says he has pretty eyes though. For a goblin. She says vote for Alex Sink because she’s the only true woman in the FL governors race. Plus, she’s a hero like Frodo Baggins.