Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

Art Basel Miami Beach


Art Basel comes to town next week and ma is so excited because she loves pizza with tomato and basil. I tell her it’s Basel not Basil and she says I should go back to school and learn how to spell. Dumb kid, she says.

Art Basel | Oceanfront Program

I try to explain to her that Art Basel is all about art and that the exhibition comes from Switzerland and will be in Miami for a week. Ma says nothing comes from Switzerland except Switzer Water. I remind her that it is Seltzer Water, not Switzer Water. Anyway, ma asks why art has to travel around like a circus. Will there be clowns, she asks. And, how can artists, who are supposed to be poor and struggling, afford airfare and TSA patdowns. Ma isn’t so keen on art or thought so I’m going with my friends Posh & Blondie who are not part of the Spice Girls even though they’re hot. Ma can’t go with me cause she’s a bit overwhelmed by her new relationship with Florence + the Machine.

Posh & Blondie | Motorcycle

Amanda B. isn’t so excited about ma’s affair with Florence + the Machine but Amanda B. knows it’s a fad just like ma is a fad. She can’t focus on a woman with a name like that for too long, Amanda B. says. In any case, Posh, Blondie and I will probably be at the Oceanfront on Miami Betch during Art Basel. Someone will probably get fondled. Maybe Posh. Maybe me. Maybe an innocent bystander. We’ve got something planned up our skirts. See you at the Oceanfront. I’ll wear my red shoes.

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I'm not real, but I'm a writer.

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