Posted in Almost Dorothy, Art + Design

Almost Dorothy Does Art Basel


Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

Art Basel 2010 was cosmic and better than hot dogs. Ma and I spent the afternoon in the Wynwood Arts District and checked out Miami’s largest open air graffiti mural museum curated and culled by Primary Flight. We harassed all the graffiti artists and asked them silly questions like ‘are you an artist’ and ‘did you know you missed a spot’. Some laughed. Another told us to bug off but we told him we put OFF on before we came so we weren’t being bugged by bugs. He said he was from England and didn’t understand our English. Oh, well, we said and offered him a biscuit.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

Ma shot the hamburger in the head and she won a poster. I shot the poster in the head and I won a stuffed hamburger.

Needless to gay, we were very hungry and went to get some gnosh or gosh or knosh at the GastroPOD and accidentally stole

a Cream Soda . We drank the soda then littered. It’s art, okay, ma said. I believed her.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

That’s when we ran into Ronald McDonalds and he yelled at us. The real Ronald, mind you. The one who tells the truth to kids about the dangers of hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup. After we ate our organic un-preserved meal, Ronald laughed at our non-fat yo! gurts. We shot him in the head with our paint gun. He cried. We laughed. I just lied. We laughed our asshats off.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

Ronald McDonald chased us so we went to see our neighbors who work real hard for little pay. Their son, the one on the right, is almost gay like I’m almost gay. That’s why he has red palms.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

A family that worships squirrels is the kind of family that will save a neighbor from a burning fire. I wish there were more people like the ones depicted above. Ma says this is the meaning of art. It’s there to show us up. It teaches us something about families who live outside of Beverly Hills.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

That karate cat is out of freaking control. That’s a direct quote from ma. She kissed his foot. I kissed the ground. The graffiti artist said go home. So we didn’t, of course. Instead we went to the mouth.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

And then we went to the sea.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

And no one bothered to tell us this wasn’t art until they told us it wasn’t art. We didn’t care. We loved it anyway.We stole that can of point too just to get them back for making us feel like dodo bird poo or dirty panties.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

That’s a real dodo bird. Those are real fake cops.

Wynwood Arts District | Photo by Neil de la Flor

The guys from Art Whino called them on us because ma thought the wine was free so she took a few bottles and put them in her purse. We ran faster than the time she put beer, two bras, and a panty in her purse at Wal Mart.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

When the guys from Art Whino called the dogs on us we thought we wouldn’t make it. But we did. Of course we did. Because we’re not freaking real we can do anything we want and get away with it. Unfortunately, reality can appear out of nowhere just like this teddy bear memorial for the dead can appear out of nowhere and remind us that we are never forever ever. Not even in the middle of an international art (teddy bear) fair.

Art Basel | Wynwood | Photo by Neil de la Flor

Art Basel 2010, ma and I love you like we love free soda.

Author:

I'm not real, but I'm a writer.

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