Posted in Almost Dorothy

Gollum Inaugurated Governor of Florida


Gollum (Rick Scott)

Rick Scott, also known as Gollum from the Lord of the Rings, is now the 45th Governor of the State of Florida. Ma and I ran out and got all of our abortions done before he bans women from the right to choose, to work, to eat and, most importantly, to make out with whoever we want. We also got ma a third and fourth job because he’ll probably close down all the titty bars and elementary schools where ma works. Ma’s not a teacher but she’s got a Ph.D in bullshit. Gollum says he wants to get Florida back to work. Just in case Gollum is an idiot, we’re already working. Gollum, we’re already working! What we’re missing are social services to keep us afloat and healthy. Yes, the same socialist systems you stole from, Herr Gollum, like Medicare, Medicaid and Healthy Kids.

Ma says leave Rick Scott alone. He’s just a billionaire Medicare scam artist who spent $60 million dollars of his own money (which he stole from the federal government) (which are the hard earned tax dollars ma paid into a system Gollum wants to destroy) on his campaign for governor. Now Rick Scott is the chief executive of one of the largest states in the United States and he’s also on record as the chief executive of HCA/Healthcare which received the biggest fine from the federal government–$1.7 billion. Rick Scott also funded “Conservatives for Patients Rights” to fight President Obama’s healthcare reform. Gollum wants ma and I to go without healthcare , deny choice and right to access. I guess he prefers ma sick so she can spread her mental illnesses across the State. It’s not a good state ma is in and Rick Scott doesn’t care otherwise why would he rip off Medicare and fund an organization dedicated to stopping national healthcare reform.

He won’t even say whether or not homosexuality is immoral. He won’t even admit that he likes cats. Creep.

Anyway, ma and I wish Rick Scott lots of luck because we love our State of Florida–our perpetual state of disrepair and dope fiends. We hope he won’t ruin it and cut our healthcare and education systems. He probably will. He’ll probably cut thousands of essential government jobs. He’s already said that’s at the top of his list. And he’ll probably blame people like ma and me for lowering the moral character of this great nation of ours. Which is fine. Ma and I are going to go into the multi-billion dollar Medicare fraud business and one day we’ll earn the same respect Rick Scott gets, the Governorship of Florida. 2.5 million Floridians are idiots. Yes, every one of you who voted for him, including ma. Let the games begin, Florida. I wish you luck, my little precious.

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I'm not real, but I'm a writer.

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