Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

Big Monsters Take Over the World

Red Shoes | Photo by Neil de la Flor

Ma took a leave of abstinence from the strip club and then took me to play soccer at the optimistic soccer park in Pembroke Pines, FL for my birthday. I wore my best red shoes because I never take them off because they are my best red shoes. Ma wore her best shoes too but the heel broke off in the parking lot so she walked around the optimistic soccer park barefoot. They’re not red. Ma has bear feet even though she sees an optometrist on a weekly baseless. I felt blue even though I was surrounded by grass.

Almost Dorothy Attacked | Photo by Neil de la Flor

I wanted the sun to worship me, so I laid my body on the grass, and that’s when I was attacked by a really wild monkey (or boy) (or girl). It tried to beat me with a Sony digital camera as I laid flatless beneath the unlucky gay sky. A man saved me. He knew I needed help. I should buy real running shoes.

Headlock | Photo by Neil de la Flor

The blue man put the monkey (or boy) (or girl) in a headlock. Blue saved me from annihilation beneath the blue blue sky. I swear I saw a savage end to my flat existence in the blink of butterfly. I almost died, I did, but I didn’t. Because I’m invincible and ethereal, I can defeat almost everything, even teeth. Ma said I’m an idiot and as ethereal as a Cheese Whiz sandwich. Don’t ever lay on the grass, she said, if you don’t want fleas or your ass kicked.

Soccer Girl | Photo by Neil de la Flor

Those are my horns in the way. That is a soccer ball. Those are little boys in the background and a little girl in the foreground. She kicked the ball. They kicked the ball too. Together they charged each other into the 21st century as if the words boy and girl mean nothing (or ever meant anything) in the context of this optimistic soccer park. There was more than one girl who played with the boys.

Chest Bump | Photo by Neil de la Flor

Ma said when she was a little boy (or pre-girl), she played soccer on the same soccer field back when the little girls were forced to cheer for the boys instead of playing with and against them. This is a different America, ma said, one that looks just like America. I shook my head in appeasement. Ma shook her horror head.

FYI #1: Women hold 50.3.% of all management and professional positions. However, only 7.9% of Fortune 500 top earners and 1.4% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women (Catalyst). The soccer field is not a place of business.

Soccer Fans | Photo by Neil de la Flor

Ma took her business to the soccer field. The fans weren’t cheering for the team. They were watching and shouting at ma strip tease on the 40 yard line during halftime. It’s a captive audience, she said. I think the guy in the gray shirt, the one with his hands over his head, had an erection or a pickle in his pants. After the performance, after ma got her skirt back on and neck brace situated, he gave ma his business card. He told ma he was a plumber. Ma told him she was a man. The baby wasn’t wasn’t having any of it.

America | Photo by Neil de la Flor

FYI #2: Every year approximately 4 million American women are victims of serious assault by their husbands or partners (The National Domestic Violence Hotline).

FYI #3: In 34 states employers may legally fire employees based on their sexual orientation. In 44 states employers may fire employees based on gender identity (Human Rights Campaign).

FYI #4: The course of history is the course of course.

Bob Marley | Photo by Neil de la Flor

Ma thought this guy was a man but it was a Bob Marley tee shirt on the body of a woman. When the DJ who was set up behind the playhouse played Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” he said I’ve had enough of this and changed the music.

Violated | Photo by Neil de la Flor

This couple held me in their hands. They weren’t afraid of me and they liked what I had to say on my backside. They read me for who I am.

Team Player | Photo by Neil de la Flor

The red team won because red always wins. The kid in the middle called me a devil. I called them piranhas. And then the course of human history ended where it always tends.

Memoir of a Barbed Wire Fence | Photo by Neil de la Flor

On a barbed wire fence.

Big Monsters by Lani Lue

When we got home, ma gave me a framed story for my birthday. She had written it when she played soccer as a little boy back when the big big boys threatened her with weaponized steak knives on the opportunistic soccer field (ACLU: “Doing the Math…“). I promised ma that we would work together as people and save the world from monsters coming to take over the world. Ma laughed, puffed, pulled down her skirt, and then removed her red wig and lipstick. That’s why I hatched you, ma said, because even the biggest baddest monsters are afraid of us.


I'm not real, but I'm a writer.

One thought on “Big Monsters Take Over the World

  1. Pingback: The Vagabonds «

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