Ma has got a budget crisis in her pants because she is really worried about the budget crisis facing the United States. She is so worried she pulled all of her socks out of the sock market and is stocking up on mascara and Vitamin D because, she says, the D stands for Duh!
Ma isn’t so certain the Republicans will agree to raise the nation’s debt ceiling which is necessary if the United States is to avert defaulting on its financial obligations to the entire planet. Ma says a default is like when she does something wrong but blames me anyway, every time, because it’s always Almost D’s-fault.
Please keep in mind ma never finished high school, but she is the most brilliant cosmonaut in the whole left side of the universe–that space between Mars and Jupiter, between the God of War and the God of All Gods–where asteroids orbit the sun with intent and determination as they repeat the same loop over and over again until the day they are released from the sun’s gravitational arms.
It’s synchronicity, ma says, the way the government spins orbitless and out of our hands. It’s funny, ma says, how we name the planets after gods and gods after other gods and then disrespect them like we disrespect our own planet and our fellow species. Ma says it’s funny how humorless life can be when we begin to name the stars after numbers as if we’ve run out of gods to name them after. We should name the stars after cars, ma says, because there are enough of them to fill the universe.
August 4th is the deadline for the United States to raise the debt ceiling. August 4th is my last day of school. No matter what happens, I’m gonna have an ice cream sandwich and eat it.