Posted in Almost Dorothy


1. I think it’s entirely plausible that I’m the Virgin Larry. Immaculate and clean, holy and art thouish.

2. Last night, ma and I read the bible in circles. When we got to page 2, we found my birth certificate. You’re real, ma said, congrats.

3. At Starbucks, there’s a sign above the condiment table that says, “Lost dog: small white American Eskimo.”

4. Outside Starbucks, on a light post, there’s another sign that says, “Found Yorke.” No indication of its size, color, race or ethnicity.

5. Sometimes I wish I were a dog, an Eskimo, and/or a Yorke. Sometimes I wish I were in heaven so I can talk to the guy or girl that runs the show. Sometimes I wish I had a glazed donut 24/7.

6. H is for New Hamster.

7. When comet LoveJoy plunged into the Sun’s atmosphere, I thought it would melt and vanish into steam. Forever.

8. Instead, it made a loop-d-loop, middle-fingered the stupid sun, and showed the sun the true power of ice.

9. Sometimes the universe is pixellated on my retina. Other times it’s just a farm of blinking and non-blinking lights.

10. This line is dedicated to TJ, offspring of Ozreal, who passed away on the first of January, almost 10 years to the date of Squinny’s death.

11. Meow.

12. Science fiction is no longer science fiction.

13. At this rate, I’ll be Wonder Woman by 5PM.

14. On this day in January, I found love in my pocket. Enjoyed it like a honey baked ham.


I'm not real, but I'm a writer.

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