Ma and I are taking a leave of abstinence. She’s going to Hawaii on a private jet with caviar smoothies and gold plated inlaid ivory toilet seats and I’m going to Guam (pronounced Gu-Am! by ma). Not sure what we’re going to do with Bobo the Mutt. He is torn between chewing ma’s sock, my red sneakers and a roll of toilet paper. He’ll probably stay home and take care of the house and the mouse that keeps crawling around at night scaring me when I’m trying to sleep. When we return from vacation, ma and I will rejoin the real world again. The world where war and poverty, famine and underfunded healthcare systems, pollution and drag queens plague our planetary conundrum. Or eardrum.