1. Donkeys don’t date. They hook up or get hitched.
2. There’s no in between because that space in between hooking up and getting hitched is mined with the awkward sound of hu(man) communication.
3. What one donkey wants and what one donkey needs are often confused.
4. Wash hands. Rinse. Repeat. Often.
5. If one attracts a donkey, follow donkey home. Exit car or whatever mode of transportation you chose to take. Proceed to ddonkey’s bedroom window and watch for another donkey (male) (or female) (or male and female) beside your donkey date in his bed with his arms wrapped around him or her or them. In lieu of an empty nest. In lieu of loneliness.
6. Donkeys are quantum singularities in a pluralistic society.
7. Bring your own condom. Donkeys are also irresponsible.
8. Vegetarian donkeys are too complicated.
9. Omnivore donkeys are too voracious.
10. Coffee is code for sex. Sex is code for loneliness. Loneliness is code for only ever wanting sex. LTR is code for “Like Truly Ridiculous”.
11. Most donkeys can’t formulate a complete sentence in real-time unless it’s a text message.
12. A white knight is never a white knight.
13. A donkey is a hoofed mammal with long ears and a braying call; an ass.
14. A white donkey is still a donkey.