Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

Almost Dorothy breaks her silence on the Trayvon Martin case

On my way back to the United States with fugitive Edward Snowden, I read about the Trayvon Martin murder trial. People seem to be pretty (and ugly) split in their defense of Martin or the defendant, George Zimmerman. I’m not a biologist, but I have two or more things to say:

1. Why the fuck are ‘citizens’  like Zimmerman becoming vigilantes running around suburbia with guns when violent crime statistics across the country have fallen precipitously over the last 40 years. (See the New York Times article “Steady Decline in Major Crime Baffles Experts“.)

2. However, is there a connection between violent crime increasing since 2006 (New York Times), easy access to high-powered weapons and the doubling of gun ownership since 2000 (Live Science)?

3. Why did defense lawyers claim that Trayvon Martin used concrete as a weapon against George Zimmerman? If Zimmerman was stalking Martin, wouldn’t Martin thus have the right to defend himself using whatever means necessary, including concrete or karate. Does stand your ground only apply to people who are carrying guns? What about people who are unarmed? Are they the ones who have to justify their right to walk on any street in America at any time of the day?

4. Guns don’t kill people. People holding guns kill people. Limit access to guns in the hands of people who may kill people and maybe we can reduce the rising violent crime statistics of people using guns to kill people.

5. Why is it that Americans are presumed innocent before proven guilty in the court of law, yet we are allowed to shoot our fellow Americans down (especially in the State of Florida) on the streets without this same presumption of innocence?

6. Do people dress to kill and then buy skittles and ice tea instead or do people kill to kill regardless of the skittles or ice tea in one’s hands?

Anyway, like I said, I’m not physicist. I have to board my flight now from Vienna to an undisclosed location. I have Snowden in my purse and he has been a good sport about it. See you soon.

Trayvon Martin courtesy of MSNBC.
Trayvon Martin courtesy of MSNBC.

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Posted in Almost Dorothy

Almost Dorothy returns with Edward Snowden

Dear Readers,

I apologize for not blogging. As usual, hijackers hijacked me. For real. It’s been so surreal and real at the same time I’ve lost the ability to distinguish that dividing line between reality and fiction. Some days I wonder if I’m real or fiction, boy or girl, human or humane. But, this is a good thing. We should all question the quality and quantitative value of our existence. I have no idea what that means, but Sharon-Needles-to-say ma has paid the ransom and I’m on my way back to the United States with Edward Snowden, who swears he was just kidding about stealing state secrets. All Snowden really knows is that Lady Gaga’s new album is light-years behind what Bjork did a decade ago, which is like so ridiculous I’ll need to buy new sunglasses. So, get ready people. I’ve packed my bags, gobbled up some hot buffet at the cafeteria and I’m headed for America from lock-down at the Sheremetyevo International Airport. In the meantime, don’t hold your breath, but dream of me and the anti-rule of lawlessness.

Love you (almost) always,

Almost Dorothy

Almost Dorothy spotted at Sheremetyevo International Airport.
Almost Dorothy spotted at Sheremetyevo International Airport.
Posted in Almost Dorothy

14 Things I learned about dating donkeys

English: Two men shoeing a donkey. Black-and-w...
English: Two men shoeing a donkey. Black-and-white photograph. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1. Donkeys don’t date. They hook up or get hitched.

2. There’s no in between because that space in between hooking up and getting hitched is mined with the awkward sound of hu(man) communication.

3. What one donkey wants and what one donkey needs are often confused.

4. Wash hands. Rinse. Repeat. Often.

5. If one attracts a donkey, follow donkey home. Exit car or whatever mode of transportation you chose to take. Proceed to ddonkey’s bedroom window and watch for another donkey (male) (or female) (or male and female) beside your donkey date in his bed with his arms wrapped around him or her or them. In lieu of an empty nest. In lieu of loneliness.

6. Donkeys are quantum singularities in a pluralistic society.

7. Bring your own condom. Donkeys are also irresponsible.

8. Vegetarian donkeys are too complicated.

9. Omnivore donkeys are too voracious.

10. Coffee is code for sex. Sex is code for loneliness. Loneliness is code for only ever wanting sex. LTR is code for “Like Truly Ridiculous”.

11. Most donkeys can’t formulate a complete sentence in real-time unless it’s a text message.

12. A white knight is never a white knight.

13. A donkey is a hoofed mammal with long ears and a braying call; an ass.

14. A white donkey is still a donkey.

Posted in Almost Dorothy

A Peom about Unemployed Chicken

Birds on a Wire | Photo by Neil de la Flor
Birds on a Wire | Photo by Neil de la Flor

1. We go to war.

3. It looks as if we are going to war.

2. The angel of death wore me out with his vegetables. The war is black now.

4. I dream of his unstable crown of thorns.

6. The one who spoke vicariously in silence spelled theories in Magic Marker.

5. He is theoretically sipping a beer with neighbors on a sailboat on the Miami River.

7. They love beer.

9. The dancing bear is a dancing bear is a dancing bear and Zen Buddhists are idiots.

8. As if

10. he doesn’t care about chicken wings.

12. A pink blind horse drags itself center stage. Curtsies. Behind the horse, the past and the present converse over universal sandwiches.

11. The difference between a demon and a devil, the past says—

13. Is the difference between a mask and a mirror, the present responds.

15. The ego is a song.

14. The war is a song.

16. The song is performed by an orchestra of ravens in a foreground that is always blue–

18. as unemployed chickens disguise themselves as saints.

17. For real.

Posted in Almost Dorothy

A Poem About a Plot

The Red Lights of the  World | Photo by Neil de la Flor
The Red Lights of the World | Photo by Neil de la Flor

1. We bond over electronic music and make out.

2. On the dance floor, his arms are iron balls

3. destined for the seabed.

4. We pray for the abyss to relinquish the red lights of the world.

5. Adora welcomes the world batting her eyelashes like a flamenco dancer bats her abanico. She is ridiculous in her beehive wig.

6. A boy and a girl wear leather dog collars

7. as Lola spins the 80s—Cure, Depeche Mode, The Clash.

8. Two shots of tequila enter the photographic memory and each shot is a declaration of love or something close to a cross and bow. The arrow of time is a cosmic phenomenon divined in blue agave.

9. The cosmos is a black veil that quarrels with vagabonds. He reveals the history of sharing needles beneath yellow street lights—a pair of binary stars gripped by gravity fight for more space.

10. Vampires and bats quarrel behind iron bars in the yellowing twilight as I bend dangerously over in awe of angels.

11. We morph into morphs and transmit the secrets of starlets and starlight to passersby.

12. The shadow on the left puts his left hand in the right pocket of the shadow on the right.

13. We (or they) were nouns and verbs conjugated in a foreign language in a foreign landscape between time and space.

14. Each word plots a point of light in the dark.

Posted in Almost Dorothy

A Prayer for a Red Room

Red Velvet | Photo by Neil de la Flor
Red Velvet | Photo by Neil de la Flor

1. I had my money on him like I have money like I’m sick of him trying to get to me like Jesus.

2. He walks through my red living room to the other red room wearing a jockstrap and high-heel boots.

3. He carries white roses in case it’s Christmas.

4. He is not a jock or Christ-like, but his chin is sanctified.

5. The strap pulls strangely around his cheeks looking like the jowl of a skinny pitbull.

6. He sits on the sofa and the sofa is surrounded by candles that are lit and not lit and he is lit and I’m unaware that he is.

7. He is positive yoga will solve history. And dance. And cartography.

8. Life is interesting, I say, when you become interested in life.

9. He is in the corner of the room kicking at the demons and blames me for leaving the mattress alone.

10. He shaves his or her hair and Lakshmi doesn’t want anymore children because Shiva has turned blue and cold even though he is dancing.

11. Always dancing.

12. He reads the illustrated Holy Bible in my red red room and the red room reads with him. The red velvet curtains seal the red room as the incense from New Mexico burns on the fireplace lined with paper dolls—

13. of Jesus & Mary, of all the saints & all the apostles, of the one true God–as the archangels swoop down and set fire to them.

14. An effigy of the burning boy burns in the red room of paper dolls.

Posted in Almost Dorothy

A Poem About a Flood

You Are Standing Here | Photo by Neil de la Flor
You Are Standing Here | Photo by Neil de la Flor

14. The poem on the left is not a poem. It’s a car.

13. Cartography is the shortest distance between the breath of life and the breadth of life.

12. I met a mouse in a van wearing sunglasses.

11. The bottle-nosed priest excommunicates the clan from kin. He calls me Sally as Mars turns into a water sign.

10. The water inundates the landscape.

9. The trees are mere shadows of trees.

8. The crabs who walk sideways across Belle Isle are submerged by rising waters.

7. The earth is round and the children across the street are home.

6. We stand on guard, on tippy-toes, and kiss beneath the crescent moon. We kiss like we used to kiss with our vampire teeth.

5. We kiss like we kissed in my dream of kissing.

4. When the plumber arrived I thought the dream was real.

3. The water rises and we are on high alert as the neighbors find shelter in burned out Cadillacs.

2. Lilacs won’t grow in Florida.

1. Fabricate dreams out of mud, won’t you?

Posted in Almost Dorothy, The Mother

14 things ma resolves to do for 2013 in alphabetical order

Chicks | Neil de la Flor
Chicks | Neil de la Flor

1. Ma resolves to solve the unresolved issues that plague her nanosphere with grace and humility as she tiptoes across the front yard barefoot wearing her pink biking shorts and “I Had Sex With Jesus” tee shirt.

2. Ma resolves to brush her teeth on first and second dates.

3. Ma resolves to have sex at least twice a week (with humans).

4. Ma resolves to have sex at least twice a week with the windows closed with at least 2 humans in the same room at the same time with or without sneakers and resolves to have each client come back for seconds so the neighbors don’t think she’s only into one-night stands. One-day stands don’t count, she says.

5. Ma resolves to stop reading self-help books with titles that suggest she’s half of this or half of that.

6. Ma resolves to hurl herself into the delta quadrant and kick species 8472’s ass.

7. Ma resolves to use protection even when the men of her dreams offer protection with their super powers and magic tricks. A condom, she says, is more important that the Second Coming.

8. Ma resolves to Kool-Aid.

9. Ma resolves to hug and kiss me twice a day even when she feels like punching me in the face.

10. Ma resolves to wipe from front to back (at least 3 times a week).

11. Ma resolves to be intelligent, competent, reliable, responsible, honorable, trustworthy, centered, grounded, coherent, sympathetic, empathetic, less pathetic and soulful; and she resolves to live by the code of justice even if it means wearing underwear in the most obvious places.

12. Ma resolves to fill her half-empty heart with ginger and jasmine while she drains the other half of Tabasco sauce and curry; and she resolves to stop buying into the scheme that a heart can be half of this or half of that because if it weren’t full 24/7 she’d be dead. Only the non-living, she says, believe in this symbolic bullshit.

13. Ma resolves to make fun of angels and everything holy because nothing is sanctified.

14. Ma resolves to celibacy, but I think she really meant sobriety.

14.5 Ma resolves to reveal what’s inside.

 

Posted in Almost Dorothy

14 things I resolve to do for 2013 in no particular disorder

Saint Louis  Cemetery 1 | Photo by Neil de la Flor
Saint Louis Cemetery 1 | Photo by Neil de la Flor

1. I resolve to love ma more and everyone more even when I’m all monsters because when the room becomes a spectacle of neon madness hugs work like magic.

2. I resolve to have sex before my 14th birthday so that I will know for certain the meaning of sex and I resolve to determine my sex.

3. I resolve to set fire to the rain and prove that Adele ain’t all that.

4. I resolve to disorder the cosmos and create quantum singularities in specific locations around the universe so that no one, not even god or his gay disciples, will lose sight of the importance of quantum pluralities.

5. I resolve to rename Buddha, Ganesha and Shiva…Ernie, Bert and Oscar.

6. I resolve to get a full time job manufacturing light and laser beams.

7. I resolve to resolve things in my solemn prayers and to keep my mouth shut and slalom.

8. I resolve to lie more or less.

9. I resolve to be one with the universe and ma’s purse.

10. I resolve to be one with humanity; one with the plants & the animals; cars & trucks; shoes & socks; tears & laughter; the trees & the rocks; ghosts & ghouls; archangels & demons; vampires & thieves; doctors & shaman; nurses & gay men; the gods & one true(ish) God who stumbles across the cosmos in high heels and leggings in our (dis)honor. I swear.

11. I resolve to (dis)honor.

12. I resolve crash & burn & dance & sing & levitate in my most ridiculous elf outfit.

13. I resolve to be one with you and one with me so that there is no one and no thing left in the universe but us—that elusive cosmetic singularity where TWO will enfold into one embrace and never ever be alone again. Amen.

14. I resolve to prophecy.

Posted in Almost Dorothy

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 31,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 7 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.