Posted in Almost Dorothy, Characters, Culture Clash, Politics

Donald Trump Isn’t Real REAL


“The brightest memory fades faster than the dullest ink.” ― Claudia Rankine

Ma says I should be more active. Blog more. Write more. Say things that mean something, especially since it’s 2016. She’s afraid that if I don’t write, things will change for the worse. In other words, she’s afraid she’ll be erased from existence. Get lost to the cosmic dust of Internet obscurity.

[For those of you just tuning in: ma and I aren’t real. We are make believe. Learn more about us here.]

That’s the thing with ma. She’s hard to understand and doesn’t understand this: she’s an invention. A figment of my fictitious imagination powered by a mind that’s flawed and unreliable, yet ma’s as real as the scar on my chin, a chin that doesn’t really exist nonetheless. Ma is the boot in the face of a face that doesn’t exist. And the boot, well, it doesn’t exist either. 

“And that’s the thing,” ma says. “You’re too psychological. Things like that shouldn’t concern you. Even the ‘real’ are delusional. Whether you’re real or not, doesn’t really matter any more. What matters is what you got to say even if what you say isn’t tangible or touching.”

I tell ma we’re not real just like our words are not real–and no matter how hard we try to mean something and to make that something become meaningful–our lives don’t matter.

“That’s fucking bullshit,” ma says in her piercingly unreal voice. “Our lives don’t matter. That’s why it’s so goddamn important that you make sure they do matter.”

It’s Sunday. Ma is drinking a warm can of Murphy’s Stout. Its caramel skin coats ma’s imaginary esophagus as I sit across from her studying the scars on her face. These postulates correspond to some truth hidden buried in her face. A kind of magical, twisted intellect informs her inappropriate worldview. Her wig is sad and ageless. Her only face since as far back as I can remember.

“Donald Trump isn’t real REAL,” ma says. “We make him real. We give him the time and space to exist in our culture, our politics, and we grant this to each and every one of us. We give him airtime and air hockey. We give him meaning out of all other possible meanings that could exist in his place. Use that space to create new possibilities.”

In many ways, ma is right even though she is flawed. She’s like the women left in these photographs. (Go ahead, click the link. It helps illustrate what I mean.) Without ma, or her words, even though those words or conjured up in the mind of a menace, at least she (sort of) exists. Occupies a finite space that could be occupied by someone else even more self-serving and maniacal.

“For now,” ma says. “Keep writing even though you feel like you’ve got nothing to say because nothing is something that silence can’t trump.”

Posted in Culture Clash, Poetry

A Defense Against Sound & Order

In a time of names

a spoken antelope hopes

for mud and insects.


Mud and insects or

whatever uncle measures

informs a notion


of a dismantled

ship. Hope passes for a gun

in a time of names.


*collage haiku using found text

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

A Story About Biscayne Bay

The bridge & cranes dream of dogs and cats.

They squint and find wormholes into other worlds.

What they discover: there’s always one light that’s brighter than the other. And they are drawn to its luminescence with purpose.

But there’s always something else in the distance, they think. Their fiercely squinted eyes look funny to humans.

Something centered and floating appears in the distance–a home of sorts–


tethered to a reality made of foam.

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

Almost Dorothy defends the right of all humans to fear rape regardless of gender or sexual orientation

Rape of the Sabine Women, Pietro da Cortona, 1627 - 1629.
Rape of the Sabine Women, Pietro da Cortona, 1627 – 1629.

Queerty reports that Trayvon Martin feared George Zimmerman “might be a rapist” (read full article here). This is what I think while heading back to Moscow with my bro and fugitive, Edward Snowden:

Rape is not a funny thing. Even if Zimmerman were not a potential “rapist” or a “creepy-ass cracker”, I would have probably made irrational decisions (like both Martin and Zimmerman may have the night of Martin’s death) to save my life (or to defend my life) if I was stalked by a guy (or girl) at night (or day) on my way home in my own neighborhood with only skittles and a can of ice tea to defend myself. It’s not a common experience to have a neighbor stalk me in my own neighborhood, so if someone were stalking me, I would definitely fear for my life and my brain would start calculating, even without me ‘thinking’, what my best options for escape and/or survival would be. All I know is that if I were stalked, I would freak out, but I probably would have run even though I may have the right to stand my ground, mostly because I’m a fourteen year old tranny and I don’t want my ass kicked. Ma probably would have run cause she’s forty and has flat feet and a fat ass.  If I were 17 and had muscle, maybe I would stand my ground like Martin did when he confronted his stalker.

Sidebar: Justice Department reports that 1 in 33 men have been raped. Read the full report here.

As far as calling Trayvon Martin homophobic because he may have thought Zimmerman was a ‘rapist’ is just another form of coded racism. The fact remains: people rape people. Straight men rape straight women, straight men, gay men and gay women. Gay men rape gay men, straight men, straight women and gay women. (You can continue with the other possibilities on your own but you get my point: people rape people.) We have the right, no matter what gender or sexual orientation, to fear rape or any other threat against our lives. Men get raped. It’s a fact and a dirty secret that people don’t like to talk about. And we should talk about rape just like we should talk about racism just like we should talk about gun violence just like I should talk.

(Oh, side comment: I just got solicited en route to Moscow while eating ice cream by a guy who shouted at me, “how much?” “Fuck you,” I shouted back. “Ok,” he said. Then I gave him the finger.)

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

Almost Dorothy breaks her silence on concrete & Robert Zimmerman

Dear Robert Zimmerman,


On my way from Vienna to Berlin on a motorbike with Edward Snowden on my back, I stopped at a gas station and saw your interview with Piers Morgan on CNN. Piers is hot. You’re kind of cute, too. However, when you opened your mouth, I heard bullshit and coded racism. You said so many things that made me cry. The one thing that made me shout out the most was this fancy quote: “There are people that would want to take the law into their own hands…they will always present a threat to George [Zimmerman].”


Robert, would you afford this same argument–to defend your brother’s honor–to Trayvon Martin? Didn’t your brother George Zimmerman take the law into his own hands? That is what you said when the interview started and that is exactly what your brother’s defense lawyers argued throughout the trial.

If I take your argument at face value and remove all the make up and lipstick from my face, I can extend your logic and argue that Trayvon Martin also had the right to defend himself just like your brother, George Zimmerman, had the right to defend himself. Martin had the equal right to defend himself with whatever means necessary at his disposal. The only difference: Martin used his body to stand his ground while your brother used a gun to storm Martin’s ground.

Robert Zimmerman, what you have not addressed is the basic question: why did George Zimmerman invade Trayvon Martin’s space? What crime did he commit? And, finally, what right did your brother have to even inquire into Martin’s right to walk home? George Zimmerman is not an officer of the law.

Trayvon Martin’s body was found on the grass 20 feet away from his supposed ‘concrete weapon’. Trayvon Martin’s body was found 20 feet away your brother, George Zimmerman’s, self-defense argument. Why didn’t George shoot Trayvon when Trayvon wielded his concrete weapon?

Trayvon Martin courtesy of MSNBC.
Trayvon Martin courtesy of MSNBC.
Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

Almost Dorothy breaks her silence on the Trayvon Martin case

On my way back to the United States with fugitive Edward Snowden, I read about the Trayvon Martin murder trial. People seem to be pretty (and ugly) split in their defense of Martin or the defendant, George Zimmerman. I’m not a biologist, but I have two or more things to say:

1. Why the fuck are ‘citizens’  like Zimmerman becoming vigilantes running around suburbia with guns when violent crime statistics across the country have fallen precipitously over the last 40 years. (See the New York Times article “Steady Decline in Major Crime Baffles Experts“.)

2. However, is there a connection between violent crime increasing since 2006 (New York Times), easy access to high-powered weapons and the doubling of gun ownership since 2000 (Live Science)?

3. Why did defense lawyers claim that Trayvon Martin used concrete as a weapon against George Zimmerman? If Zimmerman was stalking Martin, wouldn’t Martin thus have the right to defend himself using whatever means necessary, including concrete or karate. Does stand your ground only apply to people who are carrying guns? What about people who are unarmed? Are they the ones who have to justify their right to walk on any street in America at any time of the day?

4. Guns don’t kill people. People holding guns kill people. Limit access to guns in the hands of people who may kill people and maybe we can reduce the rising violent crime statistics of people using guns to kill people.

5. Why is it that Americans are presumed innocent before proven guilty in the court of law, yet we are allowed to shoot our fellow Americans down (especially in the State of Florida) on the streets without this same presumption of innocence?

6. Do people dress to kill and then buy skittles and ice tea instead or do people kill to kill regardless of the skittles or ice tea in one’s hands?

Anyway, like I said, I’m not physicist. I have to board my flight now from Vienna to an undisclosed location. I have Snowden in my purse and he has been a good sport about it. See you soon.

Trayvon Martin courtesy of MSNBC.
Trayvon Martin courtesy of MSNBC.


Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash


Ma and I are taking a leave of abstinence. She’s going to Hawaii on a private jet with caviar smoothies and gold plated inlaid ivory toilet seats and I’m going to Guam (pronounced Gu-Am! by ma). Not sure what we’re going to do with Bobo the Mutt. He is torn between chewing ma’s sock, my red sneakers and a roll of toilet paper. He’ll probably stay home and take care of the house and the mouse that keeps crawling around at night scaring me when I’m trying to sleep. When we return from vacation, ma and I will rejoin the real world again. The world where war and poverty, famine and underfunded healthcare systems, pollution and drag queens plague our planetary conundrum. Or eardrum.

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

Ma & I Raised $957 for Florida AIDS Walk

It’s true. Ma and I raised $957 for Florida AIDS Walk 2012. We didn’t win a certificate of authenticity though, but we don’t mind, because we are already as authentic as Barbie & Ken. When we were at the walk, the guy on stage said that for every $1,000 raised 10 people could be tested for HIV for free. Ma clapped her hands and jumped up and down like that crazy puppet in that Sia song: “Clap Your Hands”.

Ma clapped her hands until the woman next to us wearing a propeller hat told her to calm down.

Photo by Neil de la Flor
Photo by Neil de la Flor

That’s not a woman, I told ma. But she didn’t care. I don’t discriminate, ma said, so she took the propeller hat then propelled the woman about 7 feet before the police came and told ma to settle down. Ma did settle down and apologized for her instability. It’s a charity, the policeman said. No need to kick ass today.

Photo by Neil de la Flor
Photo by Neil de la Flor

After the incident with the cops, ma decided to join the South Florida Boys of Leather. Even though ma wore spandex to the walk, the Boys of Leather welcomed her with open arms. She got bored then decided to hang out with the rabbi from Temple Beth El of Hollywood. She kept asking the rabbi for Beth, but he didn’t understand what she was talking about so he suggested she seek psychotherapy and stay out of the sun. Beth must be popular, ma said. She is, I told her. She is.

Photo by Neil de la Flor
Photo by Neil de la Flor

I told ma to chill because we already kicked some ass by raising so much money in just a few days. Let’s go to Paris now, ma said. I had to explain to ma that the money we raised wasn’t for us. It was for the foundations that provide healthcare services, educational support, love and peace of mind for people living with and affected by HIV/AIDS regardless of their ability to pay. Ma looked disappointed, but that’s just her funny face all screwed up and sideways.

Photo by Neil de la Flor
Photo by Neil de la Flor

Anyway, we walked 5 kilometers and ma couldn’t help but think of Johnnie Walker. I’m so thirsty, she said over and over again until someone gave her a Sprite.We ran into some friends, but no one got hurt. I thought ma’s makeup was a bit too much, however the bullhorn blended well with her big mouth and ruby red forehead gem. You look fantastic, ma, I told her just so she wouldn’t feel too self-unconscious.

Photo by Neil de la Flor
Photo by Neil de la Flor

After the walk, we got some beers and celebrated our victory over indifference. It’s been a long time since we’ve been fighting this battle with HIV/AIDS and it seems like a never ending battle, but just like the Never Ending Story everything comes to an end. In real life, that end is just something we have to work hard for because the solution to the problems that inhabit our lives won’t fix themselves. Ma and I helped a little toward that final fix. When it happens, who knows? But it will. So, we celebrated life and the love that each person at the walk represented. We celebrated Jesus and the way he inspires us to be more like him instead of the pope. We celebrated the weather and the meatball food truck. We even celebrated the Port-a-Potties which saved ma from wetting herself. Again.Just as we were about the cross the finish line.

You can still make a difference here.

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

Jesus joins Florida AIDS Walk 2012

Jesus | Painting by Caravaggio

What would Jesus do? No need to answer that question. What else would you expect from a man (or woman) who dedicated his (or her) life to healing and dispelling the myth that the sick are worthless. In fact, Jesus established the first system of universal healthcare dedicated to providing love, support, comfort and peace of mind to people living with and affected by any and every disease imaginable and unimaginable. (Source: the Bible.) So, join Jesus this Sunday on Fort Lauderdale Beach for Florida AIDS Walk 2012. He’ll be the One inside the heart of every man, woman, child and pet at the walk. Bring your heart and help us raise funds for local organizations on the front lines: Neil de la Flor’s donation page.

When Jesus existed, no one had heard of HIV/AIDS. Now, somewhere between 33 – 40 million people are living with HIV/AIDS across the globe and Jesus can’t heal the world by himself. He needs us. That’s what he said. Even though there’s no cure for HIV yet, there are clinical trials on the way and existing treatments that help people live ‘normal’ lives, thrive, prosper and just BE. However, this is the problem: many who live with HIV/AIDS do not have access to basic care and are often stigmatized because of the disease. Florida AIDS Walk 2012 will raise funds for organizations that provide some basic healthcare services, counseling, education, support and peace of mind for people living with and/or are affected by HIV/AIDS.  Support Florida AIDS Walk 2012 by making a contribution to my team: Neil de la Flor’s donation page.

Recent article about stigma, denial and fear:

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Culture Clash

Nerds want you to join Florida AIDS Walk 2012

What would a 12-year-old nerd do? After trying to feather his pretty hair, he’d help us raise funds for Florida AIDS Walk 2012. Join our team, donate and pass this link forward to friends and family:

Note: According to the CDC, only 9.6% of adult Americans have been tested for HIV. Furthermore, only 1 in 4 HIV infected Americans receive adequate medical care to control the reports that South Florida has one of the highest HIV infection rates in the nation. Although Florida AIDS Walk can’t fix these numbers, we are part of a long-term, multidimensional solution that will diminish the impact of HIV/AIDS on those living with and affected by HIV/AIDS.