Posted in Almost Dorothy, Politics, Themes

Dear Governor Jan Brewer

Jan Brewer, mom says you’re a fucking racist pig for even considering passing House Bill 2281. She literally shit her pants when she heard the NPR report that this “legislation was specifically targeted at high schools in the Tucson Unified School District with courses in Mexican American studies. Critics of those courses said they were used by activists in Tuscon to incite hatred, particularly of whites.” Before I continue, there’s one important fact Jan’s not telling you: violent crime in the State of Confusion (Arizona) is at its lowest point since 1983. On the contrary, according to the FBI, hate crimes are on the rise in Arizona, and these crimes are crimes committed against people based solely on their color, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or religion. This leads me to mom’s basic theory that House Bill 2281 is not about curbing violence or hatred against whites, or protecting students of non-color. In fact, the reality is House Bill 2281 aims to incite hatred and violence against non-whites, i.e. people of color.

Mom is totally for curbing hatred against whites, but she’s also against inciting violence and hatred toward blacks, pinks, browns, gays, unicorns, gay unicorns, zebracorns, corns of all colors and even stupid (motherfucking) assholes like you. This legislation specifically targets people of color and puts a target or Scarlet Mexican Letter on the backs of an entire population of Mexican Americans, who are both Mexican and AMERICAN. Mom wonders if the critics of the “Mexican American Studies” courses have actually taken the course. She wonders if you overlooked the word “American” in the title of the course. She wonders if your taco is undergoing toxic shock syndrome.

Nazi Persecution of Homosexuals - Code 175, German Law

Jan Brewer, mom wants to know if you failed world history? Because you’re acting like Hitler. It appears you’re not aware that your state is following in the footsteps of Hitler and Mussolini. Yes, you and your racist state legislators are a fucking threat to society and human decency, tolerance and understanding, and the true intention of the founders of the Constitution. Knowledge is not the origin of hatred. If you sign this bill into law, you are the origin of hatred. It would seem more reasonable, i.e. logical, to pass a law that requires all students in every public school in your state to take a world history course and a new course titled “An Introduction to Tolerance: Human Civilization vs. The Modern Day Motherfucking Third Reich of Arizona.” You’ll be the cover-girl for that text-book.

House Bill 2281 specifically…

Prohibits public schools from including courses or classes, which promote the overthrow of the U.S. government or resentment towards a race or class of people, and specifies rules pertaining to pupil disciplinary proceedings are not to be based on race, color, religion, sex, national origin or ancestry.

Jan Brewer, this is funny. This bill specifically promotes “resentment towards a race or class of people” by implying that they are promoting “the overthrow of the U.S. government”. Hmm…Japanese internment camps, anyone? Jan, Jan, the absence of tolerance is the origin of hatred, not the study of a culture’s origins, history, and identity. The study of Mexican American Studies is the foundation for knowledge and understanding of Mexican Americans just like the study of math is the foundation for the knowledge and understanding of math. Hatred and intolerance are courses in hatred and intolerance. This legislation is one example. What parents teach their children about hatred and intolerance at home is another. Racist propaganda disguised as ‘white preservation’ legislation is another example.

Haters like you and the Arizona legislature are not Americans.  You seek the destruction of American values by denying Americans the right to access the study of their own identity. Since when is a course in “Mexican American Studies” a course in hatred? Since when are “Mexican Americans” not Americans? By enacting this law, you are, in effect, legislating and promoting the study of “White American Studies Only”.

Racism Against Japanese Americans

What is next, Jan Brewer? Will you ban Jews from breathing oxygen? Will you ban women from voting? Will you ban blacks from walking on Arizona’s best Golf Courses? Gays from fucking? Will you ban assholes from running for public office? What’s your position on the BP Oil spill? Damn British Petroleum! Ban the Brits!

Jan Brewer, Governor of Arizona, House Bill 2281 puts a target on the back of every non-white Arizonan, which I’m certain is the point of the law because it has no purpose other than make people very afraid of the act of studying. Since violence is down in the State of Arizona, I can’t think of any reasonable conclusion to make other than the State of Arizona is, at the very least, governed by a majority of racist politicians. Once again, review Hitler’s and Mussolini’s campaign against the ‘unwanted’, yet legal residents and citizens of their respective countries.

Mom is so infuriated she wishes she could take back all the sex she had in the Painted Desert. She wishes she could refund all the money she spent in Sedona. She wishes she were Mexican so she could spread her taco all over the Arizona map and withhold the production of guacamole and chips in your state. Yes, I know Jan, you’ll wink and nod and say, “good riddance to mom, cause she’s a trouble maker, anyway. We don’t need her  nutty quasi-bisexual-lesbian tourist dollars anyway. And, besides, Arizona is rolling in cash.” That may be the case, Jan, but I’m proud of my mom because she’s never pointed at a crowd of little brown boys and little brown girls playing cowboys and indians and hollered get ’em. My mom is a train wreck, but at least the damage she causes in fictional, not factual, nor real, like your real laws, your real crime statistics, and your real sense of ‘white’ superiority.

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Themes, Travel

Arizona, Gay Chickens, Identity Cats, Nap

Chickens

Chickens have invaded. I just peed with my eyes closed and the result was devastating. So many people drive with their eyes closed that I’ve decided to do the same when I pee with my eyes closed. I don’t pee and drive though. Mom says I should wear a diaper if I’m gonna act so stupid but Jada the Cat thinks it’s really cool to act stupid when you’re really not stupid, which is dumb but fun.

I totally want to marry my homosexual chicken even though I’m not a homosexual, nor a chicken, nor old enough to marry yet. Now I no longer want to marry my gay chicken. I want to marry my heterosexual chicken. His name is Bawk! Maybe I’ll marry a Buick instead if Bawk! is unavailable. Does GM still make Buicks?Are Buicks organic? What is a Buick? Bawk! says Bawk!

Anyway, the reason why I wrote this is the reason why I woke up today. I just accidentally made out with my cat and I don’t even have a cat. How weird is that? Anyway, I’ve ordered a three-lawyer cake, which is really a three-layer cake, and mariachis to serenade my non-gay homosexual chicken wedding in Arizona where gay marriage is forbidden unless you’re gay married to the opposite sex or species. We don’t have our Identity Cards yet, so I’m not sure if we’ll get arrested, but I have my passport. Bawk! doesn’t have an ID card yet. When we enter the state of Arizona, I’ll tell the cops Bawk! is my dinner.

I totally just touched myself and I thought I was someone else. I’m gonna take a nap now. To be continued…