Posted in Random Shit

Safran the Sperm Whale

Here’s #3 on Almost Dorothy’s list of  the “Top 10 Endangered Species of the Gulf Coast Who Can’t Read or Write”

3. Safran the Sperm Whale: Often made fun of because of his name, Safran is a giant, quiet, and gentle man whale with a strong belief in the Almighty power of water and oxygen. Every Sunday Safran goes to the coral reef to hang out with other mammals, the same coral reef where all believers go, and leaves a tithe and socializes with friends—dolphins, sea turtles, and giant squid. Sometimes he eats the squid when he is hungry. Safran is big and his heart is bigger than a human head. He can be heard crying from a mile away. Safran, who is nearly 70 years old, has the largest brain of any animal in the world and possibly outer space. He survived the last Gulf oil disaster when he was a young man. When interviewed by Sally the Sea Turtle before Sally & Sally Sally were burnt alive, Safran was quoted as saying that “this is the worst disaster of my life. I don’t know what I’ll do without fresh fish to survive.” As Safran glided away from the Deepwater Horizon, his oil coated back glistening beneath the sun and blackened sky, he dove beneath purplelypink sludge of the Gulf of Mexico.