Ma and I pledge the allegiance under gobble gobble to serve this country with dignity and honor even if we might be totally freaking gay or gayish.
The Senate moves one step closer to repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. According to the New York Times, which is in New York and owns time but not space, “by a vote of 63 to 33, with six Republicans joining Democrats, the Senate acted to cut off debate on a measure that would let President Obama declare an end to the Clinton-era policy.”
Ma cheered and cried and said she can now openly serve beer in the military. I told ma, who is my ‘mother’, that she’s too freaking old to serve beer in the retirement home known as Century Village let alone the gay military. Ma said that even though she’s not gay even though she’s dating a woman, she supports gays in the military or in any tary on earth. She even thinks gays should be permitted to serve in the Justice League of America. I told ma the League is already gay and she was totally shocked. Superman is gay? Gay, I said. Totally bunz of steel hunking gay. Who else would wear a blue unitard besides gay wrestlers?
I informed ma, in writing to make it official, that she is gay because she’s dating Amanda Bernstein (the B. is silent) but ma wrote back that Amanda B. might not be a woman. I wrote ma that Amanda B. has boobs but ma wrote back that men have boobs too. I put down my pen and told ma Amanda B. doesn’t have a penis and ma put down her pen and said men can have their penis removed. Where does it go? I asked ma. I don’t…know, she said. Space, perhaps. The gay military? I asked. In other words, ma just doesn’t know what happens to a removed penis. I nodded my head in disarray.
“I don’t care who you love,” Senator Ron Wyden, Democrat of Oregon, said. “If you love this country enough to risk your life for it, you shouldn’t have to hide who you are.” I lifted my skirt. Ma did too. Amanda B. refrained from lifting her skirt and didn’t celebrate the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” with us. I told you, ma said.