Posted in Almost Dorothy


1. I think it’s entirely plausible that I’m the Virgin Larry. Immaculate and clean, holy and art thouish.

2. Last night, ma and I read the bible in circles. When we got to page 2, we found my birth certificate. You’re real, ma said, congrats.

3. At Starbucks, there’s a sign above the condiment table that says, “Lost dog: small white American Eskimo.”

4. Outside Starbucks, on a light post, there’s another sign that says, “Found Yorke.” No indication of its size, color, race or ethnicity.

5. Sometimes I wish I were a dog, an Eskimo, and/or a Yorke. Sometimes I wish I were in heaven so I can talk to the guy or girl that runs the show. Sometimes I wish I had a glazed donut 24/7.

6. H is for New Hamster.

7. When comet LoveJoy plunged into the Sun’s atmosphere, I thought it would melt and vanish into steam. Forever.

8. Instead, it made a loop-d-loop, middle-fingered the stupid sun, and showed the sun the true power of ice.

9. Sometimes the universe is pixellated on my retina. Other times it’s just a farm of blinking and non-blinking lights.

10. This line is dedicated to TJ, offspring of Ozreal, who passed away on the first of January, almost 10 years to the date of Squinny’s death.

11. Meow.

12. Science fiction is no longer science fiction.

13. At this rate, I’ll be Wonder Woman by 5PM.

14. On this day in January, I found love in my pocket. Enjoyed it like a honey baked ham.

Posted in Almost Dorothy

Prosecution of a Black Hole

I haven’t been able to post in awhile because ma was in jail. She got arrested for prosecution. She was impersonating a traffic lawyer at the Miami Dade County — Clerk of Courts. Ma didn’t think it would be a big deal. She never thinks anything is a big deal. Even when the sign at Wal-Mart says “Big Deal”, it’s never a big deal for ma. “It’s not that big of a fucking deal,” she always says. “If that Wal-Mart shit were free, always, then that would be a ‘Big Deal.'” The cops said she’d go to jail for good if she doesn’t chill out.

I don’t know if ma can resist the temptation to break wind again.

Anyway, I had to work double time at the make-shift booze store behind the Boulevard, the strip joint/live porn venue just across the street from our landlord’s idea of an apartment. Needles-to-say, I got ma out of jail even though it cost me time. But I’m writing now, (un)fortunately.

Ma says she wants to become a lawyer. “A real lawyer,” she says. “The kind of lawyer with over $150,000 in school related debate and a white Mercedes Benz, and a bad attitude.”

I tell her it’s debt, not debate. She says, “I’ll debate your ass right now if you want.” But I don’t want.

I think ma would make a good lawyer because she knows how to wiggle her way out of almost any hole. The only hole she can’t seem to get out of is the black hole she’s created for us which is not unlike the black hole that just shredded a star like ropa vieja, sending a burst of radiation streaking towards Earth (BBC News).

Ma is like that insane burst of light hurtling toward Earth. She is bright, almost brilliant, and streaks through my life like a radioactive cosmonaut. But that luminous, intense light emerges from the blackest black known to no man or woman. It’s the same black that can swallow all the stars and moons and all the known twilights in the universe in one galactic Big Gulp.

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Random Shit

Super Moon

Super (Moo)n | Photo by Neil de la Flor

FYI #1:   This is the moon, not the sun, or an imposter.

FYI #2:   That is ma’s shadow to the left of the landing strip of light.

FYI #3:   Light travels at the speed of ma’s lipstick.

FYI #4:   In lieu of the super moon, ma and I mooned the moon.

FYI #5:   We mooed, too.

FYI #6:   Where is the moon when I’m in school?

FYI #7:   The periapsis is the shortest distance of a body (me) from one of the foci of its elliptical orbit (ma).

FYI #8:   Even though ma is the apoapsis to my periapsis, we both end in s.

FYI #9:   I want to lick the photons off the moon so that I can dream of fire-breathing dragons again.

FYI #10: When I sleep, I’m a dragon.

FYI #11:  I’m also a queen.

FYI #12: Ma said we should make an offering to the super moon and then she (or he) hugged me like a big gay football payer might after winning the Super Bowl.

FYI #13: I love the trajectory of madness.

FYI #14:  Before ma jumped in, she took off her bra and pretty hat.