Posted in Almost Dorothy

California’s Same-Sex Marriage Ban is Unconstitutional

Godsend | Photo by Neil de la Flor

I’m gonna get same-sex married one day, I tell ma. I swear on my left wing. Marriage is for lovers, ma says. No it isn’t, I tell ma. Virgina is for lovers. Today ma and I decided we are going to the Supreme Court to support the upcoming battle over the constitutionality of same-sex marriage. Because we exist, ma says, we have rights. Even though Newt Gingrich exists, I say, he doesn’t have the right to take our rights away.

Because we believe in equal rights for all, ma and I will support the GLBTQ-I-PYT-R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Community. That’s what real humans do, ma says, support justice for all.

This morning ma packed up the van. We don’t really have a van but she stole the neighbor’s keys so we’ll use his van. He’s ok with it, ma says. Besides, I left him a bag of jasmine rice.

In any way, whatever happens, all I know is that same-sex marriage, just like different-sex marriage, should be granted to all human Americans because we are all human Americans. I mean, what if I want to marry my neighbor and we happen to share the same genitals? And what if we don’t have any genitals or decide to change our genitals after we marry? Does that mean we can’t get married or have to get unmarried? I mean, gosh, even criminals–murderers and rapists–can get married in jail. I can’t get married and I’ve never committed a crime except for maybe wanting to get married to someone who shares the same genitals I do. I don’t even know what genitals are.

Same-sex marriage shouldn’t be banned because I pay taxes. Taxes that go to pay for educating children of different-sex couple, taxes that pay for war, taxes that pay for social security benefits for widows of different-sex marriages, taxes that are used to pay for ‘investment’ credits for oil drilling companies like Exxon.

This ruling is a godsend, ma says. It is, I tell ma. And we are all god’s children, ma says.  Besides, this is one beautiful same-sex nation under malls.

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Politics

10 Reasons Why I Love New York

Gay Pride Miami Beach | Photo by Neil de la Flor

1. Because New York is new and full of York, I love New York.

2. Because New York doesn’t reject people and opened her arms to ma’s ma, my grandma, who is more or less the same ma that lived in a concentration camp in Europe during the second war, the same second war that turned all moms into orphans and all orphans into moms, the same war that saw the bright light of the first atomic bomb, I love New York.

3. Because of Union Square & China Town & Madonna, I love New York.

4. Because New Yorkers have nice hair, I love New York.

5. Because during the Pleistocene ice age, New York’s Central Park was carved out of bedrock by gigantic glaciers, I love New York.

6. Because New York is the home of the Empire State Building and Broadway, Lady Bunny and Bunny Rabbits, Bergdorf Goodman and M&J Trimmings, I love New York.

7. Because the other day a New York cabbie saved ma’s life when she was choking on a Hebrew National Hot Dog splattered with mustard and sauerkraut, I love New York.

8. Because New York is, I love New York.

9. Because I am full of love and hope, and I believe in the primacy of equal and equitable human rights of all humans and Florence’s machines, I love New York.

10. Because homosexuals like ma and me, Newt Gingrinch and Rick Scott, and the entire cast of Jersey City can now legally marry in the great State of New York, I freaking love New York!

Posted in Amanda Bernstein, Characters, Family, The Mother, Themes

Two Moms

Unofficially, I have two moms. Although their same-sex marriage is not recognized in the State of Florida it is recognized in the State of Confusion. I have two moms now, which are better than one, so suck on that, Sarah Palin.

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Amanda Bernstein, Characters, Culture Clash, Family, Politics, The Mother, Themes

Same Sex Marriage (at Arby’s) is a Civil Right

Today is the day. Mom and Amanda B. are getting hitched, that means married, or at least they’re both gonna wear dresses across the street from a Mosque and a Church. They invited Sarah Palin to host their wedding, but she said no, hell no. Since Amanda B. is a practicing Muslim and mom doesn’t practice anything, they’re gonna get married in three places for extra luck. I swear, a church, a mosque, and Arby’s. These establishments won’t let mom and Amanda B. do their thing inside, or officiate over their same-sex marriage, so mom and Amanda B. have decided to get married in their car in the parking lot of each place. For real. Bobo the Mutt, who is our favorite mutt, will be the decider and bless their unholy matrimony in his yellowing shag coat and stinky breath. See below.

Mom says they’re gonna do this cause they want to ‘refudiate’ (sic) lunatic claims that same-sex marriage is a sin because it isn’t, at least not in their Big Book. Mom and Amanda B. also want to show their support for the 1st Amendment, which Republicans, like that great dumb ass Sarah Palin , thumb their noses at if you’re not a Christian. Amanda B. is pissed cause Palin called on “Americans” to ‘pls refudiate’ the building of the Islamic Center near Ground Zero just like “Republican candidates have denounced plans for a large Muslim center proposed near” Murfreesboro, Tennessee just like the Tea Party “group took dogs and picket signs to Friday prayers at a mosque that is seeking to build a new worship center” in Temecula, California. (New York Times.)

Amanda B. says she wants to marry mom cause it’s her fundamental civil right as a human American, who happens to be a lesbian Muslim, just like it’s the fundamental right (1st Amendment) for worshipers of all faiths to worship wherever the hell they want to worship, Mufreesboro, Temecula, Ground Zero, Arbys, or KFC, without the express written consent of idiot politicians. If the Tea Party Republicans, like Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich and the rest of the gang really, truly believe in America, then they should speak out in defense of all Americans who are being harassed by fascists who picket Mosques with dogs and signs that say their places of worship “are monuments to terrorism”.

Bobo the Mutt by Neil de la Flor
Posted in Almost Dorothy, Amanda Bernstein, Characters, Family, The Mother, Themes

Breaking News

Amanda Bernstein (remember the B is silent) and mom are getting hitched. They say they’re gonna be committed this time and I smiled big because I thought this meant they’d enrolled in an insane asylum for nuts. They just meant they’re gonna get married and exchange sandals. Bobo the Mutt wasn’t too excited about the news because Amanda B. has a cat named Cat (the c is silent) and Bobo the Mutt is allergic to cats named Cat with a silent c. They say I can be the best man and the best woman at their wedding. They say they promise not to fight like WWF wrestlers this time, which makes me sad because those are the moments when their at their best. I love them at their best. They say it won’t be like before and I secretly hope it won’t because I hope it’s worse. I do. Because if it’s better than before then your presently surprised. They say things have changed and America has changed and their love has changed and the whole world is more accepting of this change, except for Iran, of course, where they plan to stone a woman to death, or Long Island where a man killed a baby boy because he thought the child acted like a sissy. Things have changed–at least inside our nest of nuts. I did suggest that they add bullet proof vests to their bridal registry and give me the keys to their gun rack.

Prop 8 Ruling FINAL

Posted in Almost Dorothy, Themes, Travel

Arizona, Gay Chickens, Identity Cats, Nap

Chickens

Chickens have invaded. I just peed with my eyes closed and the result was devastating. So many people drive with their eyes closed that I’ve decided to do the same when I pee with my eyes closed. I don’t pee and drive though. Mom says I should wear a diaper if I’m gonna act so stupid but Jada the Cat thinks it’s really cool to act stupid when you’re really not stupid, which is dumb but fun.

I totally want to marry my homosexual chicken even though I’m not a homosexual, nor a chicken, nor old enough to marry yet. Now I no longer want to marry my gay chicken. I want to marry my heterosexual chicken. His name is Bawk! Maybe I’ll marry a Buick instead if Bawk! is unavailable. Does GM still make Buicks?Are Buicks organic? What is a Buick? Bawk! says Bawk!

Anyway, the reason why I wrote this is the reason why I woke up today. I just accidentally made out with my cat and I don’t even have a cat. How weird is that? Anyway, I’ve ordered a three-lawyer cake, which is really a three-layer cake, and mariachis to serenade my non-gay homosexual chicken wedding in Arizona where gay marriage is forbidden unless you’re gay married to the opposite sex or species. We don’t have our Identity Cards yet, so I’m not sure if we’ll get arrested, but I have my passport. Bawk! doesn’t have an ID card yet. When we enter the state of Arizona, I’ll tell the cops Bawk! is my dinner.

I totally just touched myself and I thought I was someone else. I’m gonna take a nap now. To be continued…