Posted in Almost Dorothy, Politics

I Stand With Planned Parenthood In Da’ Hood

Image of vaginal birth control device NuvaRing
Vaginal birth control device | NuvaRing

Emergency Action Alert: “The U.S. House of Representatives has just voted to bar Planned Parenthood health centers from all federal funding for birth control, cancer screenings, HIV testing, and other lifesaving care.”

When Republicans took control of the House of Representatives last fall, ma got scared and ordered all the birth control she could get her hands and feet on because she knew the Republicans would force poor-semi-hard-working-streetwalkers like her to struggle because she’s a woman. The one thing ma didn’t do is get her annual breast examination and HIV test. Now she’s afraid that she’ll never know if she has cancer or HIV. She’s so afraid ma says she hears drums in her head 24/7 and she sees a man in her head corralling all the stars into his mouth as if he knows something about the night lights. Ma’s afraid she’ll die unaware of the thing that eats her or bugs her body up like an out-of-control beehive. She’s afraid that when she gets a real full-time job, one that pays real wages and benefits, they’ll fire her if she gets pregnant, cancer, HIV, or all of the above + one. The Republicans also want to de-fund Obamacare because they want ma to go without healthcare.

FYI #1: ma can’t have kids cause she doesn’t have a uterus. But, ma says, you never know. God works on me in mysterious ways. I’m like the Virgin Mary some days.

FYI #2: Republicans argue that Planned Parenthood is an abortion mill because they pass out birth control and advise women on how to abort their plans for parenthood. In fact, without the hood, and their commie-planning ways, ma said she would have aborted me faster than it took her to eat a Milky Way (I assume she meant the candy bar and not our galaxy) because she didn’t want me tearing her up inside.

For the love of ma and her missing uterus, sing and then sign the “Open Letter to Congress”. Tell them sons of bitches to keep their goddamnless hands off of our birth control. Congress needs to know that the most vital resource in this country are mothers, the women who bear the burden of raising up this beautiful-awful gift of life. They are the ones who give birth to wackos like me who make your day shiny and deranged. If you want a beige world, fine, paint your house to death. But, remember this, the Republicans will come for you in the end. In Wisconsin, the new Republican Governor is trying to strip unions of their collective bargaining rights.

The Republican party is not about free-markets, or capitalism, or conservative ideals. They’re about the Republican Party and, like all parties, they want all the beer and nuts for them. They want to pin ma down and maintain a man-centric, male-dominated social structure that disses women, shackles the poor and the sick, so they, the corporate and social police, can reap the benefits that women create through their hard work without the costs associated with maintaining a healthy & stable social economy.

Yes, that’s right. That’s what ma says. She also says most of her clients are the ‘evangelical’ Republicans who promote no birth-control and no abortion at least until they get someone pregnant.

Please sign the petition below:

Click & Sign the Planned Parenthood Petition